Worst jokes

What do you call a dog with no back legs and steel testicles?
→ SPARKY!!!

• PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
• ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
• APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
• SCSI - System Can't See It
• BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
• IBM - I Blame Microsoft
• CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
• OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too.
• WWW - World Wide Wait
• MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
• PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
• COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
• WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
• MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

Good question...

Do dogs have fleas, or do fleas have dogs? hmmmm.

1. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
2. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
3. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible.
4. A man complaining to a friend:

- I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman ... then ...pow!...it was.. all gone!

- What happened? - asked the friend.

- Ahhh my wife found out!

5. Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
6. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
7. A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife:

- Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!

Martha responds excitedly:

- Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?!

The man responds:

- I don't care... just so long as you're out of the house by noon!

8. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful.
9. A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
10. If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose would you go to lunch or to a movie?
11. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he's finished.

What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
→ They both wiggle when you eat them.

How can you tell if a blonde stuffs her bra?
→ They'll be square because they forget to take the Klennex out of the box.

A string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender replies:

- I'm sorry, We don't serve strings

The string, angry, runs to the bathroom and ties himself up into knots until his ends are frayed.

Then he walks back out and asks the bartender for a drink.

- Hey, aren't you the string I just talked to? - The bartender asks.

- Nope - Says the string.

- I'm afraid not. (a frayed knot)

Why can't dogs use computers?
→ Because you can't stick your head out of Windows XP

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire week's wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him:

- How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?

To which he replied:

- That would be fine with me.

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

What do a turtle and a blonde have in common?
→ When they're on their back their both fucked!