Worst jokes

The perfect man, the perfect woman, and Santa Claus are in a car driving down the road and there is a fatal accident. There in only one survivor. Who is it?
→ The perfect woman - Santa Claus is made up and there's no such thing as the perfect man!

Two brunettes and a blonde are having lunch at a cafe, all three are pregnant. Through out the coversation the topic of sex and pregnancy comes up, finally culminating in each one discussing their respective fetus' and the manner of conception.

The first brunette says:

- I know I am going to have a boy because I was on top.

The second brunette says:

- I know I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom.

The blonde is silent, she has a stricken look on her face, finally she bursts out:

- Oh my god, I'm going to have a puppy.

There was this not too bright scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands.

He tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet. He writes in his log book, frog jumps 30 feet.

Then he cuts off one leg. He gives the same command to frog. It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet.

He cuts off another leg. Frog goes 20 feet. He records it in log book.

Then he cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet. He writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet.

Finally, he cuts off the last leg and commands frog, JUMP! Frog doesn't move an inch. So the scientist writes in his book... Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!

A nude jogger was running past two old women.

One had a stroke, the other missed!

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ What's a light bulb?

How do you spell relief?
→ F A R T

Hit Television Shows in Iraq:

- "Husseinfeld"

- "Mad About Everything"

- "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"

- "Suddenly Sanctions"

- "Allah McBeal"

- "Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest"

- "Matima Loves Chachi"

- "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"

- "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"

- "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"

- "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"

- "Achmed's Creek"

- "The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"

- M*U*S*T*A*S*H

- "Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"

- "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque"

- "When Kurds Attack"

- "Just Shoot Me"

- "My Two Baghdads"

- "Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things"

- "Two Guys, a Girl and a Fatwah"

- "Totally Clothed Baywatch"

What did the hurricane say to the coconut?
→ Hold on to your nuts, it's going to be a hell of a blow job!

What's the difference between a duck?
→ One of it's legs is both the same. (just say it to confuse people)

Why God Doesn't Have a PhD:

1. He has only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a referred journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been very limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his test.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
17. He's been known to associate with prostitutes.