A husband and wife enter a dentist's office. The Wife says:
- I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.
- You're a brave woman - says the dentist.
- Now, show me which tooth it is.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
- Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.
What does a sign on a whorehouse say in the middle of the day?
→ Beat it - we're closed.
What does a black boy get for Christmas?
→ Your Bike.
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says:
- Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?
The third fellow says:
- I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.
The first two guys were amazed.
- Wow! What happened then? - they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered:
- She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'
How do you confuse a woman??
→ Give her a choice!!
Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it.
It was so cold outside, I saw a politician that had his hands in his OWN pockets.
Why did the gum cross the road?
→ It was stuck to the chickens foot!
Yo' Mamma is so ugly, I went into your house saw her TV was covered with cockroaches!
I asked her what she was watching, and she said:
- All My Children
A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man:
- This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing:
- What's so funny? - asks the clerk.
- I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house - the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says:
- Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off.
The man takes another look through the scope and says:
- You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!
