Worst jokes

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
→ A flat minor!

Once, there were two bikers driving down the highway on a cold afternoon.

- Man! - commented one...

- it's FREEZING!!! and my coat won't zip up. The cold air is killing me!!

The other biker thought for a minute as they sped down the road.

- Well - he said at last...

- you can turn your jacket around, then the open side would be at the back. You wouldn't get so cold that way.

- Great idea! - commented the other.

- stop and let me switch.

The driver pulled over, and the passenger put his jacket on backwards.

- There! - he said when he had completed the switch.

- I feel better already.

The two of them climbed back on the motorcycle and drove off. Then, suddenly they hit a patch of ice on the road, and spun off and crashed. A few minutes later a crowd had gathered, and when the ambulance arrived, the EMTs shouted out:

- Is anybody hurt?

One guy from the crowd replied:

- Well, the driver was dead when I got here, and the other guy was doing alright until we fixed his head.

Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla:

- How do you spell 'dumb'?

Darla says:

- d-u-m-b, dumb.

The teacher says:

- very good, now use it in a sentence.

She says:

- Buckwheat is dumb.

Now spell "stupid".
Darla says:

- s-t-u-p-i-d, stupid.

The teacher says:

- very good, now use it in a sentence.

Darla says:

- Buckwheat is stupid.

Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says:

- Buckwheat, spell dictate.

Buckwheat stands and says:

- d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate.

The teacher says:

- very good, now use it in a sentence.

- I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!

Well, I was interviewing Hillary Clinton the other day, and we came to the subject of her and Bill's sex life. I asked her "Hillary, is your sex life with Bill anything like what he had with Monica?", and she said "Well, close but no cigar."

There is is this guy and he has three mistresses. Well, he decides that he only wants to have one, so he has to choose. He decides on a way to choose by giving them each $150 and telling them to go off and spend it how they see fit.

The first girl comes back and announces that she has spent the $150 on a complete makeover and new hair-do. The guy thinks that is really nice.

The second girl comes back and announces that she has spent the $150 on a new see through nightie. The guy thinks that is really nice too.

The third girl comes back and puts a wad of money onto the table in front of him.

- What's this ? - he asks.

The girl explains that she has taken the $150 and invested it and made $2000 with it. The guy is really impressed by this but now he has to go away and decide who he will keep. So who do you think he picks ????? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

The one with the biggest BOOBS, of course!

- Bridegroom: Dear, we've been back from the Caribbean for a month now. We've been in our apartment now for nearly a month. Isn't it time we were alone?

- Bride: But darling, we are alone, aren't we?

- Bridegroom: What I mean is, when can we get your mother out of here?

- Bride: MY mother! I thought she was YOUR mother!!!

Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill.

- Set up everybody in the place! - he shouts.

The bartender obliges.

Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy's pocket, runs down the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guy's pocket.

The Bartender asks what's going on. The guy just reaches back into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says:

- just set everybody up again.

Bartender obliges once more, suspiciously watching the guy.

Once more the little man appears from the guy's shirt pocket. Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitches the napkins into the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again. This time the guy buttons the pocket.

Bartender says:

- explain yourself, or leave.

Guy says:

- Well....

- I was walking down the beach one day, and ran across a bottle in the sand. Turns out there is a Genie in the bottle. Gave me 3 wishes!

- So my first wish was to never run out of cash again. Now every time I reach into my pants pocket there is a hundred dollar bill!

- Second wish was to never be lonely again. Went back to my apartment and there waiting for me were 3 of the most beatuiful supermodels you have ever seen, all willing to do whatever I desired from them!

- Third wish...

- I wished for a 6 inch prick, and THIS IS THE LITTLE BASTARD I GOT!!!

Why do so many Polish navy personnel drown?
→ Because when the engine stops, they all have to get out and push!

There was a blonde and a brunette watching the 10:00 news. A news reporter was in the foreground, giving a report. In the background there was a man and a bridge.

- I'll bet you 50 bucks that the guy jumps off of the bridge - the brunette said to the blonde.

- Okay, it's a bet.

A moment later, the man did jump off the bridge and the blonde pulled out 50 dollars.

- I can't take it.

- You have to, it was a bet.

- I really can't take it. You see, I watched the 6:00 news and saw him jump then.

The brunette was feeling very humble at this point.

And the blonde said:

- Well, I watched it too, but I didn't think he'd jump twice!

A supply of Viagra was stolen last night, police are looking for two hardened criminals and they can expect stiff sentences when caught!