Ouch — most viewed jokes

An old couple in an old folks home are having an affair, nothing much they just sit watching TV late at night while the old woman holds the old mans dick. Then suddenly the old man ends the affair because of another woman. The old woman's distraught and yells, "WHAT'S THIS OTHER WOMAN GOT THAT I HAVEN'T!" The old man smiles and says, "Parkinson's disease"

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

- Cannibal: Mom, mom, I've been eating a missionary and I feel sick!

- Mom: Well, you know what they say - you can't keep a good man down!

Have u ever saw Stevie Wonders wife?
→ No
→ Neither has he.

• Off by one.
• Off his rocker/trolley.
• Oil doesn't reach his dipstick.
• On permanent leave of absence from his senses.
• On the batting end of a no-hitter.
• One bit short of a byte/word.
• One board short of a porch.
• One boot stuck in the sand.
• One bumper/rail short of a bank shot.
• One bun/donut short of a dozen.
• One car short of a chase scene.
• One card/marble shy of a full deck.
• One chip short of a megabyte.
• One clearance short of landing/taking off.
• One color short of color-coordinated.
• One diamond short of a ring.
• One dimension short of reality.
• One drool bib short of neat and tidy.
• One drop short of an empty bladder.
• One flower short of an arrangement.
• One flying buttress short of a cathedral.
• One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.
• One fruit short of a basket.
• One gene short of a full chromosome.
• One goose short of a gaggle.
• One handle short of a suitcase.
• One hot pepper short of an enchilada.
• One inspection short of passing.
• One live brain cell away from being a talking monkey.
• One miracle wouldn't be enough to help him.

What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths?
→ Lefty!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Homeless Barbie ...complete with stolen K-Mart shopping cart

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Broken Bungee Barbie ...

Barbie doll lying broken on the pavement

The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a banana.

How do you make a Venetian blind?
→ Poke him in the eye