Random joke from this category
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news.
The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God!... What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead!"
There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Venus de Milo Barbie ...made of rock; no head, no arms
Once, there were two bikers driving down the highway on a cold afternoon.
"Man!" commented one... "it's FREEZING!!! and my coat won't zip up. The cold air is killing me!!"
The other biker thought for a minute as they sped down the road. "Well," he said at last... "you can turn your jacket around, then the open side would be at the back. You wouldn't get so cold that way."
"Great idea!" commented the other. "stop and let me switch."
The driver pulled over, and the passenger put his jacket on backwards.
"There!" he said when he had completed the switch. "I feel better already."
The two of them climbed back on the motorcycle and drove off. Then, suddenly they hit a patch of ice on the road, and spun off and crashed. A few minutes later a crowd had gathered, and when the ambulance arrived, the EMTs shouted out "Is anybody hurt?"
One guy from the crowd replied "Well, the driver was dead when I got here, and the other guy was doing alright until we fixed his head."
Two blondes were planning to rob a bank.
The first blonde had a tendancy to be smarter than the second.
They went over and over their plans for the robbery and finally they headed out to commit the crime. They pulled up in their car in front of the bank. The first blonde says to the second blonde, "Are you SURE you understand the plan?" "Yes!" replied the second blonde. So the second blonde gets out of the passenger side of the car and heads into the bank.
Time passes, and after 10 minutes the second blonde has not returned.
The first blonde gets very nervous.
Finally, out comes the second blonde from the bank dragging the safe behind her by a rope, and seconds behind her comes the guard with his pants down.
"No you idiot! I told you to blow the SAFE and tie-up the GUARD!"
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one."
"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."
"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Mafia Victim Barbie ...feet set in cement--she really sinks!
Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
→ She didn't suit his taste!
BANNED CHILDREN'S BOOKS
- Mummy Monster: What are you doing with that saw and where's your little brother?
- Young Monster: Hee, hee! He's my half-brother now!
