Gender Jokes — most viewed jokes

Dear Sister,

This letter was started by a woman in the hope of bringing relief to other tired and discontented females. Unlike other chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy to 5 of your friends who are equally tired and discontented, then bundle up your husband/boyfriend.

Send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list you will receive 16,877 men and one of them is bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have.

Do not break the chain.

One woman broke the chain and got her own bastard back.

At this writing a friend of mine has already received 184 men.

They buried her yesterday, but it took 3 undertakers 36 hours to wipe the smile off her face and 3 days to get her legs together to close the coffin.

Have faith!

Liberated woman...

Reasons why it's great to be a man:

- Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.

- Your orgasms are real. Always.

- Chocolate is just another snack.

- You can be president.

- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

- Car mechanics tell you the truth.

- You don't give a crap if no one notices your new haircut.

- The world is your urinal.

- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

- Same work ... more pay.

- Wrinkles add character.

- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

- Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

- Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.

- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"

- One mood, ALL the damn time.

- Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat!

- You know stuff about tanks.

- You can open all your own jars.

- Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

- You can go to a public toilet without a support group.

- You can leave the motel bed unmade.

- You can kill your own food.

- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

- Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

- Everything on your face stays its original color.

- You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

- No maxi-pads.

- You don't mooch off other's desserts.

- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

- You almost never have strap problems in public.

- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

- You don't have to shave below your neck.

- Your belly usually hides your big hips.

- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

- You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said:

- double my I.Q so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said:

- triple my I.Q. and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't know existed.

The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said:

- Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life! - the fisherman said

- yes so the mermaid turned him into a woman

How To Impress a Woman:

- Compliment her

- Cuddle her

- Kiss her

- Tease her

- Comfort her

- Hug her

- Send her flowers

- Wine and dine her

- Listen to her

- Care for her

- Hold her

- Support her

How to Impress a Man:
Show up naked..... with beer.

Why did the carload of lesbians get to San Francisco faster than the carload of gays?
→ The lesbians got there lickety-split, while the gays where still packing there shit.

Why did God create a man before a women?
→ You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered. Here for the first time is a description of their properties.

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses Strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

How do you open a can of beer?
→ That's not the point - it should be open when she gives it to you!

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?" The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!" "How can you tell?" asks girl baby. "Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See..... blue booties"