Women's and Men's English

Women's English:

- Yes = No

- No = Yes

- Maybe = No

- I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

- We need = I want

- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

- We need to talk = I need to complain.

- Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.

- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

- You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

- You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

- Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.

- I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.

- The same old thing = Nothing

- Nothing = Everything

- Everything = My PMS is acting up.

- Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole.

Men's English:

- I'm hungry = I'm hungry.

- I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.

- I'm tired = I'm tired.

- Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

- Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

- Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

- May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

- Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

- You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.

- What's wrong? = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this.

- What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

- What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

- I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?

- I love you. = Let's have sex now.

- I love you, too. = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!

- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.

- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

- Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

- Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

- (while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

- I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together. = I am gay.