Gender Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's the definition of a lesbian?
→ A woman doing a man's job better again!

Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties
Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls...

Good girls love Italian food...
Bad girls love Italian waiters.

Why do men like blonde jokes??
→ Because they can understand them.

Here's one for you... what do men and linoleum have in common?
→ If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them the rest of your life!

Yesterday, after extensive testing, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones... yes, it's true.

To prove their theory, the scientists had 100 men consume 12 bottles of beer.

They then observed that 100% of them:

1. Gained weight.
2. Talked excessively without making sense.
3. Became emotional.
4. Called home just to see if anyone called.
5. Couldn't drive.
6. Went to the bathroom in groups.
7. Rearranged the furniture for no apparent reason.

No further testing is planned.

Reasons why it's great to be a man:

• Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.
• Your orgasms are real. Always.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be president.
• You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You don't give a crap if no one notices your new haircut.
• The world is your urinal.
• Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
• You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
• Same work ... more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
• Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
• If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
• People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
• Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
• One mood, ALL the damn time.
• Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat!
• You know stuff about tanks.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
• You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
• You can leave the motel bed unmade.
• You can kill your own food.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
• You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
• No maxi-pads.
• You don't mooch off other's desserts.
• You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
• You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• You almost never have strap problems in public.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• Your belly usually hides your big hips.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
• You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Two ladies are in a bar and the first lady says, "Why are men the same as parking lots?"

So the second lady says "I don't know?"

So the first lady says, "All the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicap!"

Humankind's propensity for imposing anthropomorphic characteristics on inanimate objects has now reached computers. But, which gender should your PC be?

Here are the top ten reasons why they have to be male.

• They have a lot of data, but they're still clueless.
• A better model is just around the corner.
• They look nice and shiny until you get them home.
• It's always essential to have a backup.
• They'll do whatever you want if you push the right buttons.
• The best part of having one is the games you can play.
• In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
• The lights are on but nobody's home.
• Big power surges knock them out at night.
• Size does matter.

But then again, here are the top ten reasons why they are obviously female.

• They're oh so picky, picky, picky.
• They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
• Beauty is only shell deep.
• When you ask them what's wrong, they always say 'nothing'.
• They can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
• They are always turning simple statements into big productions.
• Small talk is important.
• You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
• They make you take the garbage out.
• Miss a period and they go wild.

God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "What could I get for a rib?"

Dear Sister,

This letter was started by a woman in the hope of bringing relief to other tired and discontented females. Unlike other chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy to 5 of your friends who are equally tired and discontented, then bundle up your husband/boyfriend.

Send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list you will receive 16,877 men and one of them is bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have.

Do not break the chain.

One woman broke the chain and got her own bastard back.

At this writing a friend of mine has already received 184 men.

They buried her yesterday, but it took 3 undertakers 36 hours to wipe the smile off her face and 3 days to get her legs together to close the coffin.

Have faith!

Liberated woman...