Random joke from this category
A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."
What is the most faithful insect?
→ A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them!
What insect runs away from everything?
→ A flee!
What is the difference between a flea and a wolf?
→ One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!
What to you call a Russian flea?
→ A Moscow-ito!
Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet?
"Why are we running so fast?" said one
→ Because it says "Tear along the dotted line"
What do you call a flea that lives in an idiots ear?
→ A space invader!
What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea?
→ Bugs Bunny!
How do you start an insect race?
→ One, two, flea - go!
How do you find where a flea has bitten you?
→ Start from scratch!
What is a flea's favorite book?
→ The itch-hikers guide to the galaxy!
What do parrots eat?
→ Polyfilla!
What do you give a sick bird?
→ Tweetment!
What bird tastes just like butter?
→ A stork!
What's another name for a clever duck?
→ A wise quacker!
Which bird is always out of breath?
→ A puffin!
What's got six legs and can fly long distances?
→ Three swallows!
What is a duck's favorite TV show?
→ The feather forecast!
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
→ A bird that will talk you ear off!
What do you call a crate of ducks?
→ A box of quackers!
Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket?
→ Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can't play grasshopper!
What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
→ He felt funny!
What's striped and bouncy?
→ A tiger on a pogo stick!
What is the cat's favorite TV show?
→ The evening mews!
How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?
→ Smack a lion!
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
→ Hailing taxi cabs!
How is cat food sold?
→ Usually purr can!
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
→ A tiger moth!
What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
→ 'Let us prey.'
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
→ It's been nice gnawing you!
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
→ To stamp out forest fires!
Why did the pig go to the casino?
→ To play the slop machine!
What is a pigs favorite ballet?
→ Swine Lake!
What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog?
→ Pooched eggs!
How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday?
→ Eat him on Saturday!
Why did the foal cough?
→ Because he was a little horse!
What is the opposite of cock-a doodle-doo?
→ Cock-a-doodle-don't!
What's the best way to keep milk from turning sour?
→ Leave it inside the cow!
Where do milkshakes come from?
→ Excited cows!
Who is the worm's Prime Minister?
→ Maggot Thatcher!
Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet?
→ He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire engines!
Why do elephants eat raw food?
→ Because they don't know how to cook!
Why did the elephant eat the candle?
→ For light refreshment!
How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert?
→ You get very lumpy ice cream!
What kind of elephants live in Antartica?
→ Cold ones!
How do you fit five elephants into a car?
→ Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove compartment!
How does an elephant get out of a small car?
→ The same way that he got in!
Why do elephants have trunks?
→ Because they would look silly carrying suitcases!
