Political Jokes — best jokes

What will Bill Clinton be known for in history?
→ The president after Bush!

What's the difference between a McDonalds Hamburger and Bill Clinton?
→ Some people in Arkansas haven't had a McDonald's hamburger!

Hit Television Shows in Iraq:

• "Husseinfeld"
• "Mad About Everything"
• "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
• "Suddenly Sanctions"
• "Allah McBeal"
• "Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest"
• "Matima Loves Chachi"
• "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
• "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"
• "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
• "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
• "Achmed's Creek"
• "The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"
• M*U*S*T*A*S*H
• "Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"
• "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque"
• "When Kurds Attack"
• "Just Shoot Me"
• "My Two Baghdads"
• "Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things"
• "Two Guys, a Girl and a Fatwah"
• "Totally Clothed Baywatch"

Somewhere in America, next week...

- Dad: Son, come in here, we need to talk.

- Son: What's up, Dad?

- Dad: There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?

- Son: I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car", that I can say, truthfully, that I did not scratch the car.

- Dad: Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?

- Son: Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.

- Dad: But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?

- Son: Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.

- Dad: Are you trying to tell me you didn't drive the car into the mailbox?

- Son: Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.

- Dad: So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?

- Son: No sir, that's not my statement. I'll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.

- Dad: But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?

- Son: Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.

- Dad: So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch car?

- Son: No. No, that's not correct. Your question was "Did I scratch the car?". From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car... the mailbox did... I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of "No" when you asked "Did I scratch the car" was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.

- Dad: Where did you learn to talk like a complete idiot?

- Son: From The President of the United States.

What did Clinton say when commenting on Monica?
→ She has the whitest teeth I've ever cum across.

What's the difference between Malaysia & the US?
→ US's got Bill Clinton, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder; Malaysia's got Mahathir, no cash, no hope and bloody wonder!

Clinton and Gore went to a diner to get a bite to eat.

A good looking waitress comes up and asks, "Can I take your order?"

Clinton says, "Yes, I like a quickie!"

She turns a little red and say, "Sir, in your present state of affairs I don't think you should even be suggesting something like that. I will come back when you are ready to order from the MENU!"

As she walks away Gore leans over and says, "Bill, its pronounced quiche".

What is Monica's favorite chinese food?
→ Cream of sum young guy.

What is green, has four legs, and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
→ The pool table in the oval office!

The president was trying to keep his presidential promise by putting more women on his staff.