Stats/Math Jokes — best jokes

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

- SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

- SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

- SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?

- SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

- SM: It's not working.

- SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

- SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

- SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

- SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

- SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

- SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

- SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

- SM: And?

- SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

- SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

- SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

- SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

- SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

- SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

- SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

This test was written by ME, Roger Carasso, for the UCB Psychology Department. It is intended to be used by companies that are recruiting on campus. With this test you can determine whether an applicant you are interviewing is a Robot, a Vulcan/Math MAjor, or a Liberal Arts major.

Tear off here, and administer test below to students

Answer Questions by circling the appropriate subjective choice.

1. If stranded on a deserted island, I would want _____
2. Shakespeare 1) Math books 2) Fluid oil
3. If I could have any job, I would be a _____
4. writer 1) professor 2) McDonald's employee
5. On weekends, I go to _____
6. The beach 1) The library 2) goto 10
7. My favorite hobby is _____
8. Poetry 1) Open math problems 2) memorizing
9. I have taken ______ English classes.
10. Many 1) Enough to communicate 2) for i=1 to ++x 10 goto 10
11. What is the quickest way to solve 2X+4=2?
12. Ask a Vulcan 1) In my head 2) Brute force with Cray 2 Supercomputer
13. What have you learned in school that you value the most?
14. Latin 1) How to operate my HP-28C 2) Complex Analysis
15. In between classes, I like to _____
16. Talk with my friends 1) Study proofs 2) Add numbers on my calculator
17. When I have a report due, I type it on _____
18. My manual typewriter
19. The school's word processor
20. My calculator and then upload it to a PC at 50 baud
21. Since coming to the University, I have gained many _____
22. Friends 1) Books 2) Calculator manuals
23. The best use of a computer is _____
24. A door stop 1) Graphing functions 2) Friends
25. When I go to a restaurant, I usually get _____
26. A hamburger 1) A twinkie 2) Thrown out
27. What part of speech is "interface"?
28. A noun 1) A noun and a verb 2) Not enough data
29. What do you consider to be paradise?
30. Total happiness 1) Total knowledge 2) Two calculators
31. What type of music do you like?
32. Popular music 1) Classical music 2) Static noise
33. What is your favorite game?
34. Monopoly 1) Chess 2) Data entry races
35. My favorite Movie show is _____
36. Ruthless People 1) Star Trek II 2) Short Circuit
37. If I had to know an equation on a test, I would _____
38. Write it on my arm
39. Derive it during test
40. Memorize it with flash cards all day for weeks
41. The person I marry must have _____
42. Beauty 1) Intelligence 2) An RS232 serial port
43. What I fear the most is _____
44. Death 1) Emotions 2) Water

Results: Simply add up the values of all your answers and look at the following table.
00-14 Liberal Arts
15-20 Vulcan/Math Major
21-40 Robot!!!

How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.

What person adds best in hot weather?
→ A summer.

- What kind of math do owls like?

- Owlgebra.

Helpful advice for travellers:
If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with you.
BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?

- 1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?

- 2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!

One day a man met three beggars. To the first he gave a dime, to the second a dime, and to the third a nickel. What time was it?
→ A quarter to three.

Why is 4,840 square yards like a bad tooth?
→ Because it is an acre.