Political Jokes — best jokes

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord."

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayerbooks and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community."

The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country."

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.

After a meeting with the Pope, Bill Clinton held a press conference and announced that they had a very successful conference and had agreed on about 60% of what they discussed.

When asked what they discussed, Clinton replied: "The Ten commandments."

Bill & Hilary Clinton are on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
→ The nation!

To: All Male U.S. Citizens
From: I.R.S. Service Center
Re: Notice of increase in tax payments

The only thing that the I.R.S. has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependants and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1, 1998 your penis will be taxed according to size. The categories are as follows:

• 10 - 12 inches....... Luxury Tax $30.00
• 8 -10............... Pole Tax $25.00
• 5 -8................ Privilege Tax $15.00
• 4 -5................ Nuisance Tax $3.00

Males exceeding 12" must file a capital gains return. NOTE: Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!

Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
I.R.S

With all due respect, President Clinton was telling the truth when he said he was not having sex with that woman... Of course he was referring to Hillary!

Bill, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton are on Air Force One.

Bill says to Hillary, "I could make a lot of people very happy if I threw 1 million $1 bills out of this plane."

Hillary says, "Oh yeah, well I could make even more people happy if I threw 1 million $5 bills out of this plane."

Chelsea says, "I could make the whole world happy if I threw you both out of this plane!"

What's the simiarity between Clinton and a carpenter?
→ One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart!

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar.

"Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I'll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there."

The bartender responded, "I'm sorry sir but that guy's a commie and we don't serve his kind around here."

"Well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy, I wouldn't be here. You remember that mine that caved in, well I was in that mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don't believe me, look at the top of his head and you'll see that it's flat from holding the roof up."

The bartender skeptically served the commie his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer:

"I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn't help noticing the bruising under his chin. What is that all about?"

The Engineer responded: "Oh...that's where we put the jack."

The U.S. Treasury has just announced that it will sell three new types of bonds:

1. The Al Gore bond, which has no interest.
2. The Monica Lewinsky bond, which has no maturity. And...
3. The Bill Clinton Bond, which has no principal.

The Vancouver [British Columbia] Sun, Thursday, 18 March 1993, page A13 lead headline "United States"

"Hospital costs prove 40% less in Canada by Daniel Haney, AP Science writer

Washington - Hospitals cost almost 40 per cent more in the United States than in Canada, largely because [...]U.S. hospitals are more expensive, in part, because the cases they treat are 14 percent more complex. [Dr. Donald] Redelmeier, of Wellesley Hospital in Toronto, writing in the New England Journal of Medicine] said this reflects social differences between the two countries."

Frostbite of the nose is not as expensive to treat as a shotgun wound to the belly." he said.