Random joke from this category
A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions.
Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked:
- If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?
- Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area.
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.
The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply:
- For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!
At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was:
- Just plant your potatoes.
During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of the advancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general stops the troops and waits to see what happens.
Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entire division to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune.
But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and cups his hands to his lips.
- Go back! - he shouts.
- Go back! It's hopeless-- there's TWO of them!
During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle.
- Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?
The Marine replied:
- I got my four Sir.
How does an octopus go to war?
→ Well-armed!
It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest:
- Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.
- Well - answered the priest.
- that's not a sin.
- But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed.
- I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.
- Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question...
- What is that, my son?
- Do I have to tell him the war is over?
Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:
If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!
George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush:
- There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!
George Bush replies:
- Oh yeah and tell me what you see?
Osama answers:
- I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful.
George Bush says:
- Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street.
Osama asks:
- And what do they say?
George answers:
- Hell, I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway:
- Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?
- Pres: You think we're stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!
When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was a failed experiment headed for the ash heap of history, I knew he was a demagogue.
When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was an evil empire, I knew he was a dangerous kook.
When that fool Reagan said that we could end the Cold War by escalating the arms race, I knew the odds favored nuclear annihilation.
When the Soviet Union went broke, dissolved, and repudiated its past, I knew it was all Gorbachev's genius, and that fool Reagan had nothing to do with it.
Because if that fool Reagan was right all along...
...what kind of fool am I?
