Political Jokes — best jokes

- Person: Are you a democrat or a republican?

- Blonde: Oh, I'm an American.

At least now, Mr. Clinton, we understand why mattresses are discounted every Presidents Day.

Chelsea Clinton was home for Christmas break. She was having lunch with her dear mother, Hillary, just talking about typical girl stuff. Hillary says to Chelsea, "My, my what a fine young lady you have turned out to be. Being a sophomore at Stanford and all, I'm so proud!"

Hillary proceeds to give Chelsea a hug then speaks softly and asks her a question. "Say, I was just wondering since you're all grown up now. Have you, um, had sex yet?".

Chelsea ponders and contemplates then responds.

"Um, not according to dad."!

President Yeltsin, President Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to have dinner with God. During dinner He tells them: "I needed three important people to send my message out to all the people: Tomorrow I will destroy the Earth."

Yeltsin immediately calls together his cabinet and announces: "I have two really bad news items. God really exists, and tomorrow he will destroy the earth."

Clinton calls an emergency meeting of congress and announces: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is God really does exist; the bad news is tomorrow he's destroying the Earth."

Gates goes back to Microsoft and tells his employees: "I have two pieces of great news. First, I am one of the three most important people on earth, and second, I think I've got the Y2K problem fixed."

One Day The President was out jogging without his guards.

All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some bushes with a gun.

The masked man said "Give me all your money!"

Unwilling to do so, the President said, "You can't do this, I'm the President!" The man then replied,...

"Oh, never mind then. Give me MY money!"

Clinton was asked who was a better lover: Monica Lewinsky or Paula Jones.

His response: Paula was good, but no cigar.

Why should Monica Lewinsky never go to medical school?
→ She sucked as an intern!

What does Hillary Clinton and Tampons have in common?
→ "They are both stuck-up cunts!"

What do you get when you have 50 politicians and 50 lesbians in a room?
→ 100 people that don't do dick!!

Why are Monica Lewinsky and a change machine alike?
→ They both say... "insert Bill here!"