Dirty Jokes — best jokes

Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
→ To promote off-shore drilling.

In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"

- Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky?

- Pres: Improper? ... Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one of the the sweetest interns I've ever had.

How can you tell that the guy who attacked the White house with a plane was insane?
→ He seems to have thought Clinton would be in his own bedroom at night.

What did Hillary tell Bill when the Paula Jones story broke?
→ "You idiot! I told you to let Teddy Kennedy drive her home!"

Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?
→ To meet the chick.

Bill Clinton is writing his memoirs.

They're called "The Johnson Years".

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, "Are you ready to order?"
Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."
"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea.
I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu."
She walks away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."

How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies?
→ He's the stiff one.

Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?
→ He said it was too tight.

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse", she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

"O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra", which he does.

"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties". Johnny finishes removing these too.

His mother then says, "Johnny, please don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!"