Celebrities — best jokes

How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Just one, if he's got a good crew to do it.

How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Just one more, guys, I promise.

How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Just one... but how do you get him in there with the cute, blonde?

- FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night.

- BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.

What do you call a monster with two wooden heads?
→ Edward Woodward.

Colin Powell, once USA's highest ranking military officer, (now Secretary of State), loves to relate this incident from his Vietnam days. It shows the importance of clear objectives.

Finding an outpost at a very vulnerable spot, Powell decided to investigate why it was location was chosen. He was assured that it was a very important outpost.

- What's it's mission?

- To protect the airfield!

- What's the airfield here for?

- To resupply the outpost!

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
→ Being stuck in a lift with the Spice girls.

Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear"? It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, whom do you root for?

How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote 'em off the ladder.

What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden have in common?
→ They both look out their caves and see rubble.