Travel Jokes — worst jokes

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
→ Because England was discovered before the USA!

- Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant?

- Pupil: Hong Kong

- Teacher: Why do you say that?

- Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most dense!

- Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please?

- Pupil: There it is

- Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia?

- Pupil: Fred did!

- Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?

- Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

- Teacher: Where is the English Channel?

- Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up

A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.

The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."

An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table. "This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc."
Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation.
Silence. "Well?" he finally asked, "What's this?" The waiter replied, "It's a friend of duck."

A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."

"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried and now irritated waiter, "I can only serve one table at a time."

When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake City, Utah, a woman told the man sitting beside her, "I understand this is the home of the Mormon religion where husbands believe it's OK to have more than one wife."
"That's true," he replied, "as a matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives."
"How disgusting," she said, "you should be ashamed of yourself, such practices should be against the law and you ought to be hung." With a slight grin, he just said, "Yes, mam I am."

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.

The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.

Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying.
One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.

With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope.
The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."