Stats/Math Jokes — worst jokes

Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient:

- How much is two plus two?

- Blue.

At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room.

Turning to the second patient, he asks what is six minus three? To which the patient replies: Square. Once again the orderly is called in to remove the patient. Turning to the third and last patient, he asks, "How much is five plus five?" The patient answers very confidentally: "Ten." The doctor, amazed then inquires how did you figure it out? The patient: "Easy. Blue multiplied by square equals ten."

One idiot said to the other, "You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't."

How do Alaska CB radio operators say "10-4"?
→ "5-5-2-2."

Two fathers and two sons went duck hunting.
Each shot a duck but they shot only three ducks in all. How come?
→ The hunters were a man, his son and his grandson.

Why was six scared of seven?
→ Because seven ate nine.

How much is 5Q and 5Q?
→ 10Q. "You're welcome."

Who invented King Arthur's round table?
→ Sir Circumference!

An accountant is in a car travelling with a farmer client around his farm.

They pass a large mob of sheep and the farmer says, "You're pretty good with numbers, Keith. How many sheep do you reckon are in that paddock?"

The accountant looks at the sheep for a moment and says, "One thousand, eight hundred and thirty two."

The farmer is amazed. "Exactly right", he says. "How did you work that out so fast?"

"Easy," says the accountant "I counted the number of feet and divided by 4."

The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."

"Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."

Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog? (hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem)
→ Because it leaves residues at each Pole.