Situations — worst jokes

Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn't hurt yourself?
→ Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the bus.

- Passenger: Does this bus go to London?

- Conductor: No.

- Passenger: But it says London on the front.

- Conductor: There's an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't sell them!

A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside.

- 'There's no room. It's full up!'

- 'But you must let me on!' shouted the man.

- 'Why, what's so special about you?' they asked.

- 'I'm the driver,' replied the man.

As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, 'What on earth did you do that for?'

'I wanted to know if there was room on top,' replied the man.

- Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?

- Driver: Which part?

- Passenger: All of me, of course!

A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic.

Her friend asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"

The blonde replies, "Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid."

What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes at a four way stop.

What did the blonde say when she knocked over a priceless Ming vase?
→ "It's okay Daddy, I'm not hurt."

One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggled and replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
→ A blonde going through a flashing red light.