Sex Jokes — worst jokes

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.

She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"

One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry."

The waitress begs the question, "So, how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?"

One of the other Japanese men replies, "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"

A worried patient went to his psychiatrist.

"I'm in love with my horse," he said.

"But that's nothing," replied the shrink. "A lot of people love animals. For instance, my wife and I have a dog that we love very much."

"Ah, but doctor," the patient replied. "It's a sexual attraction that I feel toward my horse."

"Ahhh!" exclaimed the doc. "What kind of a horse is it? Male or female?"

"Female, of course," said the bloke. "What do you think I am, a faggot!"

Two fags were walking down the street and passed a handsome guy. One fag turned to the other and said, "See that stud there, Bruce?"

"Sure."

"Well, let me tell you, he's a tremendous fuck!"

"No shit?" Bruce asked.

"Well, hardly any."

Two gay men were in bed fooling around when all of a sudden the door bell rings. The first gay man tells the second, "Don't cum until I come back", and he rushes off to answer the door.

After a few minutes, he eagerly returns to the bedroom only to find cum was all over the bed and sheets. He says to the second gay man, "I thought you wasn't going to cum until I came back." The second gay man says to the first, "I didn't cum, ........ I farted!"

What did one gay sperm say to the other?
→ I can't find my way through all this shit.

What do you call a gay man's scrotum?
→ Mud flaps!

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.

Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!"

"Play swords?" asked the other. "How?" "Simple. Whip it out, smack it till it's hard, and we both whack 'em together like swords."

So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smacking their dicks together playing swords.

Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions.

"We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums.

The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming exhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "kill me!, kill me!!"