Science — worst jokes

Top 10 Reasons No One Wants to go into Space with John Glenn again:

10. The horror of seeing the effects of G-Forces on wrinkles.
11. Kept using the Hubble to find his glasses.
12. Everytime he sneezed, his teeth flew out.
13. Forgot where he was each morning, kept grabbing for Scott while calling him "Annie".
14. Constantly complaining about being "Stiff all over" while eyeing Chiaki.
15. Couldn't get him to stop doing the "Viagra" experiment.
16. When warned, "There's a Meteor Shower ahead", he thought they said, "Shower cause he'd peed the bed".
17. Couldn't seem to ever attach his urinal bag properly.
18. There's a real good reason why we call old men "Old Farts".
19. The Prunetang worked, but the Depends didn't.

An engineering student is walking on campus one day, when another engineer student rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a functional bike?" asked the first.

The second engineer replied: "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, spread her arms wide and said: "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly: "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

A scientist had been keeping a secret for over two decades -- he had sucessfully cloned a human being.

He kept meticulous records, raising the clone-child in his laboratory until it was an adult. Then he made his plans to unveil his creation at a meeting of top scientists, held in the luxurious facilities of a high-rise hotel.

When the time for his presentation came, the scientist stepped to the podium. He presented his data -- his pictures, his charts, his graphs -- to an amazed audience. But suddenly, instead of waiting for his cue to come forward, the clone stood up where he'd been sitting, and started shouting at the scientists assembled there.

This clone was an imaginative clone. He used language that would make a sailor blush, accusing his creator and all of his colleagues of the most amazing feats of perversion and vice.

Trying to regain control, the scientist ushered the clone out of the room and up to the roof of the hotel, where he hoped the clone's shouts would go unheard.

The clone would not listen to reason. He attacked the scientist's parentage, his sister, his mother....

Finally, the scientist snapped. He could bear it no longer. He rushed forward and with a mighty shove, pushed his creation off the roof of the hotel.

The police arrived promptly and arrested the scientist for making an obscene clone fall.

A blonde was playing Trivia Pursuit and was asked if she was in a vacuum and someone called out her name, would she hear it?

She thought and answered.. "is it on or off?"

What happens when a paranoid has low self-esteem?
→ He thinks that nobody important is out to get him.

What goes up when you count down?
→ A Rocket Ship!

Don't try to understand the theory of relativity.

Relativity is like an erection - the more you think about it, the harder it gets.

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

"Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun!"

Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. SHAVE THE WHALES!