Science — worst jokes

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?

What's the best way to accelerate a Mac?
→ 9.81 m/s2

One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?

"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters "U.F.O." printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked "Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object?"

The alien answered, "No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!"

What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink?
→ Gravi-tea!

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."

What do you call an overweight ET?
→ An extra cholesterol!

What do you call an alien starship that drips water?
→ A crying saucer!

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
→ Great food but no atmosphere.

One lab mouse to another:

- I've trained that crazy human at last.

- How have you done that?

- I don't know how, but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell, he gives me a piece of cheese.