Random joke from this category
The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word "definitely" in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants".
A blonde reports for his University's final examination that consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet, Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour. But," he says, "I'm not going to finish rechecking my answers!"
How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher, a nurse or an airline stewardess?
A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right.
A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit.
And an airline stewardess says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Women Fall Catalogue
Once again, the male staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
Proverbs as finished by a fourth grade class:
It is always darkest...
→ Just before you flunk a test.
There is nothing new...under a rock.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with...a private jet.
A committee of three...gets things done when they are not fighting.
If you can't stand the heat...try Antarctica.
Better late than...absent.
A rolling stone...may dent the floor.
If at first you don't succeed...live with it.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry...and then blow your nose.
A bird in the hand is....better than a woodpecker on your head.
Early to bed, early to rise...and you will get the best cereal.
Two heads...are pretty scary.
It is better to light a candle than...to light a bomb.
A miss is as good as...a mister.
A penny saved...is not a lot.
Don't burn your bridges...or you'll fall in the lake.
Haste makes...sweat
You Might Be A College Student:
THEN YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT!!!
