School — worst jokes

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

- Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.

- So what's so great about that?

- It's snowing outside!

- Teacher: How much is half of 8?

- Pupil: Up and down or across?

- Teacher: What do you mean?

- Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

Why did the teacher put the lights on?
→ Because the class was so dim!

When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
→ Because there are no pupils to see!

- Examiner: I think you know very little, if anything at all, about the Bible. Can you quote any passage?

- Student: 'Judas departed and went and hanged himself.'

- Examiner: Well, that's a surprise. Can you quote another?

- Student: 'Go thou and do likewise.'

How do Religious Education teachers mark exams?
→ With spirit levels.

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats, too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air.

There was one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a liberal Democrat."

"Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"Why I'm a proud conservative Republican," boasts the little girl.

The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why she is a conservative Republican.

"Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too."

The teacher, now angry, loudly says, "That's no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron? What would you be then?"

The teacher paused and smiled.

"Then," Lucy said, "I'd be a liberal Democrat."

What were the three toughest years in Al Gore's life?
→ Grade six.