Religion — worst jokes

What is the most religious insect?
→ A mosque-ito!

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.

"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match."

The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!"

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match.

"I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

What did God say after he created man?
→ I can do better than this!

The Associated Press reported that the village of Sodom, Conn., disappeared, like its biblical namesake.

Though it appears on maps, the AP writer interviewed residents of Sodom Road and the Sodom Corner intersection, both hallmarks of the village of Sodom, and discovered that everyone claims now to live in North Canaan.

Des Moines, Iowa:
A repentant burglar returned his loot to its owners, along with a note explaining why: "My priest said I done a wrong."

More than $200, a pair of sunglasses and some golf balls were found Monday morning on the steps of Potthoff Foods Incorporated, a meat wholesaler.

"He took my sunglasses, but I didn't know he took them until I got them back this morning," sales representative Phil Barber said. "You know, I don't think something like this happens that often. It's sort of neat. The guy did wrong, but he tried to make it right."

The break-in at Potthoff's happened late Friday or early Saturday. The thief pried open a door and rummaged through some desks.

Potthoff officials said they're not going to depend on the honesty of thieves' nature in the future.

"We are adding an extra security system today," Barber said.

In Atlanta, U.S. District Judge Charles Moye overturned a death sentence for a murderer because the jury that convicted him 10 years ago had asked for a Bible during deliberations.

The Irish girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."

"What is it, child?"

The girl said, "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."

The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"

"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews."

"Are you sure?" Al asked.

"I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."

"Are you really sure?" Al asked again.

"I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."

"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews."

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

Our Morning Prayer . . .

Our Hard Drive
Which art internal
Volume C by name;
Thy code be clean,
Thy fonts be seen
On screen as they are on paper.
Give us this day our documents,
And lead us not into fragmentation
But deliver us our data.
For thine is the SCSI,
And the EISA,
And the NuBus,
Forever and Ever, Amen.