Relationships — worst jokes

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening.
"Who's the boss around here?" he asked.

"I am." said the man.

"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."

"No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.

"Here's your chicken." said the farmer.

Two fellows were sitting in a coffee shop...suddenly the Town's Fire Alarm went off ... one jumped up and headed for the door ... his friend shouted, "Hey, Tom, I didn't know you were a fireman!"
Tom replied, "I'm not, but my girlfriend's husband is..."

Fred's new girlfriend uses such greasy lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a better grip.

- Boy: You've got a face like a million dollars.

- Girl: Have I really?

- Boy: Yes - it's green and wrinkly.

- Why is your face all scratched?

- My girlfriend said it with flowers.

- How romantic.

- Not really, she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses!

- Boy monster: You've got a face like a million dollars!

- Girl monster: Have I really?

- Boy monster: Yes - it's green and wrinkly!

What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?
→ They lived hoppily ever after!

The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him. He drove around the neighbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally he stopped beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our dog. "You mean the one following your car?" they asked.

"What do you do?" a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse." "I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me," he whispered in her ear. "That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward."

What's the major cause of divorce?
→ Once is not enough.