Police Jokes — worst jokes

On a narrow mountain's road a man saw a police car driving uphill backwards.

- Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?

- Because we are not sure that we will find the place to make u-turn on the top of the mountain.

After one hour the same man saw the same police car driving downhill backwards again.

- But guys, why are you driving backwards again?

- We have found the place to make u-turn up there.

Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spotted hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money?
→ Stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don't exist.

Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
→ It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.

What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
→ I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

- Cop: Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?

- Sister: Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.

- Cop: Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!

- Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful.

At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.

- Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible.

- Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

- Policeman: I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lock you up for the night.

- Man: What's the charge?

- Policeman: Oh, there's no charge. It's all part of the service.

My horoscope read, "You're going places and you can't be stopped."

Apparently the cop who gave me a ticket hadn't read it.

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

- Officer: May I see your driver's license?

- Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

- Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

- Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

- Officer: The car is stolen?

- Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

- Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

- Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

- Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

- Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.

The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

- Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

- Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

- Captain: Who's car is this?

- Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

- Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

- Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

- Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

- Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

- Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

- Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.

Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names.

"Shut Up", replied Shut Up.

"Stupid", replied Stupid.

The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. "Excuse Me!" shouted the chief.

Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.

"Shut Up!"

"Stupid!"

The police chief was very riled. He then asked" Are you looking for trouble?"!!!

Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied, "Why yes, how did you know?"