Men Jokes — worst jokes

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss." The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?"

"I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.

Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry"?

But let's get real here guys, I mean who exactly are we kidding? A husband controls his wife in much the same manner as a barometer controls the weather.

I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot. It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there:
They have no wife to go home to...
or they do.

On the eve of the couple's tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging about her figure. "You know honey," she said, "I can still get into the skirts I had before we were married."

"Yeah?" the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the ball game on TV. "I wish to hell I could."

There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. The third remains silent. After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and sez "Well... what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

"Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees." he bragged and took another sip of beer.

His friends were amazed! "What happened then?" they asked, almost in unison.

"Well, then she said, 'Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man!' " he admitted.

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"

The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike." sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."

Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason for his haste he shivered and replied: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to repossess me."

How do Catholics separate the men from the boys?
→ With a crowbar.

How do you separate the Greek boys from the Greek men at a Greek BBQ?
→ With a Crowbar!!!!!