Men Jokes — worst jokes

Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to find out whether computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female.

The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as "HE" because:

1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model.

The group of men reported that computers should be refered to as "SHE" because:

1. No one but the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Are computers males or females? You decide.

TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE:

5. They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
6. They periodically cut you off right when you think you've established a network connection.
7. They'll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won't do more than they have to and they won't think of it on their own.
8. They're typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they've already invested so much in the damn machine that they're compelled to remain with an under powered system.
9. They get hot when you turn them on, and that's the only time you have their attention.

FIVE REASONS COMPUTERS MUST BE FEMALE:

5. No one but their creator understands their logic.
6. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
7. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
8. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
9. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said: "Did you notice the small dongs on the rich kids?"

The other answered: "Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play with!"

IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS

Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from girl. Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. Girlfriends, take heed!! There is a new drug that is in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to induce their male victims to have sex with them. The shocking news is that the drug is available virtually anywhere! It goes by the street name "Beer". All girls have to do is buy a "Beer" or two for almost any guy and then simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered literally helpless against such tactics.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
→ So men can remember them!

I've never understood why women love cats.

Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Why does a dog lick his balls?
→ Because he can't make a fist.

A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he's there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls. The friend sees this and says, "Man, I sure wish I could do that." The dog owner says, "Go ahead, but pet him a little bit first."

There were two guys walking down the street and they saw a dog licking his nuts.

One of the guys said. "Man I wish I could do that".

Then the other guy said, "Man that dog will bite you!"

Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life.

When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream.

He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!"

Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"