Marriage Jokes — worst jokes

What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
→ Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

When a woman gets married, she wants the 3 S's: sensitivity, sincerity, and sharing. What does she get?
→ The 3 B's: burps, body odor, and beer breath.

What do you call a man with 90% of his intelligence gone?
→ Divorced

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
→ His wife is good at picking out clothes!

What's a man's worst nightmare?

1. The Super Bowl is pre-empted by a soap opera.
2. His wife has amnesia and forgets how to cook so he has to.
3. A female boss.
4. He has to ask his wife for money.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
→ They're married.

Why do a married man and his single male friend envy each other?
→ Each one thinks the other is having sex more often.

You know you're a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son.

Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down.

After this goes on for awhile, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells:

- You need more tail.

The guy turns to his son and says:

- Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she said to go fly a kite!

My wife gave me a lesson the other night on User Interface Problems, that really points up some of the differences between the sexes.

We were watching CNN's Technology program they have on weekends, when a segment on Virtual Reality came on.

Looking at the all the wires and gadgets, she turned to me and said that Virtual Reality would never catch on with women.

I was puzzled by this, until she explained:

- Every woman's first thought on seeing that helmet will be, 'I can't wear that. It will mess up my hair!'