Marriage Jokes — worst jokes

My mother-in-law has got so many double chins it looks like she is peering over a pile of pancakes.

The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me."
"My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away."
"I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it."
He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?"
"In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'"

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.
"Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."

- Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to take your pick?

- Son-in-law: No thanks. I'll just use the hammer.

One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."

I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her.
It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!

Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper?
→ Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.

- How is she now?

- She's fine. But, the dog died.

My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting.

She's very lovely, but is best appreciated at a distance.

A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"