Marriage Jokes — worst jokes

Did you hear about the Baton Rouge bride who cancelled the wedding when she heard her friends were planning to give her a shower?

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a hilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

- I'm not rich like Jack, don't have a mansion like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and want to marry you.

- I love you too, but what was that you said about Martin!

After wedding a young couple rented a town house in a large complex.
Concerned about a leak in an upstairs bathroom, young woman called the manager several times, but nothing happened.

Finally her husband reached the manager and, noting the seriousness of the problem, said, "My wife is afraid the bathtub will fall through the kitchen."
"Oh, no," the manager quickly replied. "The bathtub falls through the living room."

Two cannibals just finished a big meal and one turns to the other while rubbing his stomach with his fist and says, "You know, I just ate my mother-in-law, and she still doesn't agree with me!"

Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?
→ They got married in the spring.

A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric." The husband replied, "How about a chair?!?"

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" the mother-in-law asked.

"I am waiting for my husband to come home from work." the daughter-in-law replied.

"Why are you naked?" asked the mother-in-law. "This is my love dress." the daughter-in-law replied.

"LOVE DRESS! You are naked." said the mother-in-law

"But my husband loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy and he makes me happy." said the daughter-in-law.

"I would appreciate it if you left now because my husband will be home any minute." The daughter-in-law continued.

Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home she thought about the "LOVE DRESS" and got an idea.

She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume and waited by the door for her husband to come home.

Finally the pickup truck drove up the drive way and she took her place by the door. The father-in-law opened the door and immediately saw his wife naked by the door.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress" the mother-in-law replied.

"Maybe you should iron it." he replied.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
→ Two mothers-in-law.