Lawyer Jokes — worst jokes

What do you call an honest lawyer?
→ An oxymoron.

What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?
→ Perfect setup for skeet shooting.

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the rates. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?" The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?" The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."

Do you know the problem with lawyer jokes?
→ Lawyers don't think they're funny, and the rest of us don't think they're jokes!

Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
→ To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.

"Damn," he says. "I forgot to lock the office safe before we left." His partner replies " What are you worried about? We're both here."

At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.

The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and the charge."

The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician, charged with battery."

The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!"

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ How many can you afford?