Kids Jokes — worst jokes

- Son: What is an autobiography?

- Father: Er, the story of an automobile.

"Dad, why do you write so slow?" asked Dennis.

"I have to," replied his father. "I'm a slow reader."

Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses, and his father, standing beside him, said, "Now, remember, son. Don't wear them when you're not looking at anything."

"Can I go outside and watch the solar eclipse?" asked Rupert.

"Okay," replied his father, "but don't stand too close."

- Son: Where are the Himalayas?

- Father: If you'd put things away, you'd know where to find them.

Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father, "Pop, what's a millennium?"

"Well," he muttered, "I think it's something like a centennial, only it has more legs!"

NEWS ITEM. Kidnappers grabbed a little boy and two days later sent him home with a ransom note. His parents immediately sent the kid back with the money.

When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her son's outburst, his mother said, "Don't you dare use that kind of language in here."

"William Shakespeare did," replied Ben.

"Well, you'd better stop going around with him," said Mom.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!

A small boy is sent to bed by his father...

[Five minutes later]

- Da-ad...

- What?

- I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?

- No. You had your chance. Lights out.

[Five minutes later]

- Da-aaaad...

- WHAT?

- I'm THIRSTY... Can I have a drink of water??

- I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!

[Five minutes later]

- Daaaa-aaaAAAAD...

- WHAT??!!

- When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?