Kids Jokes — worst jokes

- Boy: Dad, Dad, come out. My sister's fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads.

- Dad: No, I'm not coming out. She's going to have to learn to look after herself.

- Come here, you greedy wretch. I'll teach you to eat all your sister's birthday chocs.

- It's all right Dad, I know how!

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.

'Teddy,' he called, 'how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being.'

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.

'That's better,' said his father. 'Now will you always come down stairs like that?'

'Suits me,' said Teddy. 'I slid down the bannister.'

Mrs. Ellis came home from work one evening to find her three-year-old son lighting up a cigar. She raced into the kitchen where her husband was making dinner.

"Hey!" she announced. "This is terrible! I just caught Matthew lighting a cigar!"

"You put a stop to that right now," he shouted.

"That kid is altogether too young to be playing with matches!"

Bentley and his wife and son were sitting at the dinner table when the boy suddenly blurted out, "Gee, you're dumb, Mom. You don't know anything."

"Now, son," scolded Bentley, "you musn't be picky about your mother's little faults."

"Dad," said Rickey, "what is electricity?"

"Uh," replied his father, "I don't really know too much about electricity."

A few minutes later the boy said, "How does gas make the engine go?"

"Son, I'm afraid I don't know much about motors."

"Dad," said the boy, "what is anthropology?"

"Anthropology?" The father frowned. "I really don't know."

"Gee, Dad, I guess I'm making a nuisance of myself."

"Not at all, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything."

"Son, you sure do ask a lot of questions," said the father. "I'd like to know what would have happened if I'd asked as many questions when I was a boy."

"Perhaps," said the boy, "you'd've been able to answer some of mine."

Down at the office Bostwick boasted to one of his buddies, "My son Arthur is smarter even than Abraham Lincoln.

Arthur could recite the Gettysburg Address when he was ten years old. Lincoln didn't say it till he was fifty!"

At dinner, Seth said to his father, "Dad, I got into trouble at school today and it's all your fault."

"How's that?" asked the master of the house.

"Remember I asked you how much $500,000 was?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Well, 'a helluva lot' ain't the right answer."

"What are you reading?" demanded the father of his seven-year-old.

"A story about a cow jumping over the moon," was the reply.

"Throw that book away at once," he commanded.

"How many times have I told you you're too young to read science fiction?"