Kids Jokes — worst jokes

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands directly next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his haircut, eating her snack cake. The barber says to her:

- Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie.

She says:

- I know. I'm gonna get boobs too.

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

She says:

- Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter.

The entire class says:

- Hello Mrs. Prussy.

A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.

Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher:

- I remember it has an "r" after the first letter.

- That's right! - she coaxed.

Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says:

- Mrs. Crunt?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

One day a teacher was asking her class to use absolutely in a sentence.
So Janet raised her hand and said the sky is absolutely blue, the teacher said no, it is not, sometimes is black or has different colors.
Another little boy raised his hand and said:

- the leaves on the trees are absolutely green - the teacher said no, they could be different colors at different times of the year.

Little Johnny raised his hand and asked if there where lumps in farts, the teachers said no, I don't believe so.
And Little Johnny said:

- well then I absolutely just shit in my pants!!!!

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was.

- It's a period - reported Johnnie.

- Well I can see that - she said - but what is so exciting about a period.

- Damned if I know - said Johnnie - but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself.

One day, little Mikey comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom.
He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Mikey watches, and after a couple of minutes asks:

- Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsy ride?

- Of course, Son, we're a family.

So Mikey climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly.

- Hang on Dad! - cries Mikey - this is where me and the mailman usually fall off!

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying:

- I know the whole truth.

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says:

- I know the whole truth.

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says:

- Just don't tell your father.

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with:

- I know the whole truth.

The father promptly hands him $40 and says:

- Please don't say a word to your mother.

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying:

- I know the whole truth.

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says:

- Then come give your real father a big hug.

One day a man was sleeping and the neighbor's little girl entered his house, woke him up and said:

- What is that between your legs?

He replied that is:

- my bird.

He went back to sleep.
She came back later and said:

- What's that furry stuff around your bird?

He replied that's:

- my nest.

So he went back to sleep.
She came back later:

- What's those two things under it?

He said those are:

- the eggs.

She said:

- Okay, can I play with your bird, and he said:

- ok.

When he woke up later, he noticed that he was in the hospital. He saw the little girl and asked:

- what happened?

She said:

- When I was playing with your bird he spit in my eye so I chopped off his head, burnt down his nest and busted his eggs!

What game did the dentist play when she was a child?
→ Caps and robbers