Irish Jokes — worst jokes

Have you ever seen Pop Idol? One point it was held at an esso gas station.

This irishman came on to do a song. He stood next to the diesel pump, lit the place up and it exploded.

He started singing "I'm Still Standing"!

I knew this guy. He was a sound guy from Ireland.

He spoke to me one day and told me he was going to apply for a job.

He told me that he walked out because the guy asked me for my name and i said "Paddy Milligan". He said "How do you spell "Milligan"? he replied

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Shortly, he received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

How many Irishmen does it take to replace a light bulb?
→ 30, 2 to hold the light bulb and 28 to drink till the room starts spinning.

O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest. "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?" O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

Two Irishmen were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground. Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy "Jez, that look like Sean" to which Paddy replied "No Sean was taller than that"

Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. "Help!" Barty shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" "Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there." Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help." As Mick was leaving, Barty called "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?"

Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi... Darn! There goes another one!"

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.

The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
→ One less drunk.