Festival Jokes — worst jokes

A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

- Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday?

- Sure. It's a great present but I just can't find the words to thank you enough.

- I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.

- That was a kind thought. But why didn't you?

- I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday?
→ A stole.

What's the greatest birthday present?
→ Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.

Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday.

- How lovely!

- Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!

- I've been shopping for my wife's birthday present.

- What did you get her?

- A bottle of expensive toilet water. It cost 20.

- 20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could have had some of ours for free!

- Will you come to my party on Saturday?

- Yes, please. What's the address?

- 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow.

- Why with my elbow?

- Well, you won't be empty-handed, will you!

- I forgot my brother's birthday last month.

- What did he say?

- Nothing, yet.

- Grandma, is it exciting being 99?

- It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.