Ethnic — worst jokes

Degrees (Fahrenheit)

65 degrees: Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night

60 degrees: Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

50 degrees: Miami residents turn on the heat

45 degrees: Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts

40 degrees: You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming

35 degrees: Italian cars don't start

32 degrees: Water freezes

30 degrees: You plan your vacation to Australia

25 degrees: Ohio water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming

20 degrees: Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South

15 degrees: French cars don't start
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

10 degrees: You need jumper cables to get the car going

5 degrees: American cars don't start

0 degrees: Alaskans put on T-shirts

-10 degrees: German cars don't start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink

-15 degrees: You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist

-20 degrees: Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don't start

-25 degrees: Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going

-30 degrees: You plan a two week hot bath
Swedish cars don't start

-40 degrees: Californians disappear
Minnesotans button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your cat helps you plan your trip South

-50 degrees: Congressional hot air freezes
Alaskans close the bathroom window

-80 degrees: Hell freezes over
Polar bears move South
Viking Fans order hot cocoa at the game

-90 degrees: Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets!

Why are Australians like kiwifruit?
→ Because they are rough on the outside, green on the inside..... and too many of them will give you the shits!

Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?'

Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."

The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."

She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb."

"Now spell 'stupid'."

Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."

The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."

Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."

Then the teacher call on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."

Buckwheat stands up and says, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."

The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence." "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

What do you call a pregnant Black woman?
→ A dope carrier!

What's the difference between an african lion and OJ Simpson?
→ An african lion is an african lion, OJ Simpson is a lyin african!

Where do the Ku Klux Klan buy there sh-sh-sheets?
→ At the k-k-k Mart.

An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman and catches a strange venereal disease (this time, a green ring around the base of the penis). The patient goes to a doctor who says he's never seen anything like it, but his penis would probably have to be amputated.

The patient then goes to another doctor, who also doesn't know anything about this decease, but thinks the amputation is indicated. Deeply distressed, the patient decided to go to a Soviet emigre doctor, figuring he may be familiar with this V. D.

Indeed, the Soviet emigre doctor says, "I know this decease! Your American doctors always want to cut. Don't do anything. Two week later, prick fall off by himself!"

An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman. The next day his prick turns black. He runs to a doctor and asks, "Doctor, is this some weird venereal disease?"

"Worse," says the doctor. "It's frostbite!"

Surgeon General C. Everett Koop, in conjunction with research associate Dr. Ed Bluestone of the Surgeon General's office, has compiled for non-confidential distribution a list of activities which, while not definitely linked to death or established as causative factors in any specific form of physical or physiological deterioration, have been determined through exhaustive reiteration to be detrimental to the human condition and specifically to the welfare of their perpetrator.

While implementation of any of these activities is not specifically illegal as cited by state or federal jurisdictions, engagement in any of said activities could very probably be construed as a gross breach of common etiquette constraints and/or moral codes and analogs.

Widespread or accelerated participation in any of the listed activities by an increasing or superannuated segment of the population would be frowned on by and erosive to all reasonable, respected, and stalwart facets of American society.

The Surgeon General warns:

1. Never raise your hand during a hijacking to indicate that you get a kosher meal.
2. Never ask a bald man if you can borrow his toupee to clean your windshield.
3. Never moon a werewolf.
4. Never squeeze a parakeet to death while screaming, "I want the name of your accomplice!"
5. Never threaten to punish your Dalmation with spot remover.
6. Never use a bulldog as a surrogate mother.
7. Never hire an attorney who can discuss specific episodes of The Flintstones.
8. Never trust an Oriental dentist who sells miniature ivory animals.
9. Never ask a dog with rabies if he would like you to floss his teeth.
10. Never believe your dog when he tells you that while you were out, your parents came over and drank water out of your toilet.
11. Never take a cockroach hostage and expect anyone to negotiate with you.
12. Never walk your dog around someone else's living room with a pooper scooper in your hand.
13. Never say to a lobster before you boil him, "Let me know if your bath is too hot."
14. Never tell an IRS auditor that if he doesn't leave you alone, you plan to cheat again next year.
15. Never tell Yasser Arafat that you think Newark should be the Palestinian homeland.

A Soviet emigre woman comes to a gynecologist and complains: "Doctor, when I wasn't married, I had six abortions, and now I got married and can't get pregnant."

"Well" said the doctor, "It's possible you don't breed in captivity!"