Ethnic — worst jokes

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench outside a church on a Sunday morning. They are both dressed in rags, each is holding a top hat, the one has a large cross around his neck and the other a large Star of David. After church, the congregants file out, each placing money in the hat belonging to the beggar with the cross while ignoring the beggar with the Star of David. Soon the hat of the beggar with the cross is overflowing with money while the other beggar's hat remains empty. A priest who has been watching this approaches the bench and says to the beggar with the Star of David around his neck "My son, surely you realize you are in a Christian country, in a Christian neighborhood, on a Sunday morning, sitting outside a church? How can you possibly expect anyone to give you any money, especially since you are wearing a large Star of David around your neck?"

On hearing this the beggar with the Star of David around his neck turns to the other beggar and says "Moshe, can you believe this priest trying to tell us how to run our business!"

• Dung On MAI Shu - I stepped in excrement
• Ai Wan Tu Bang Yu - Let's sleep together
• Ai Bang Mai Ne - I bumped into the coffee table
• Fat Ho - An unattractive woman
• Ar U Wun Tu - A gay liberation greeting
• Chin Tu Fat - You need a face lift
• Chow Mai Dong - Romantic proposition
• Dum Gai - A stupid person
• Wel Hung Gai - Is that a banana in your pocket?
• Won Hung Low - Southern Chinese dialect for Wel Hung Gai
• Gun Pao Der - An ancient Chinese invention
• Hu Flung Dung - Which one of you fertilized the field?
• Hu Yu Hai Ding - We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugutive
• Jan Ne Ka Sun - A former late night talk show host
• Kum Hia - Approach me
• Lao Ze Sho - Gilligan's Island
• Lao Zi - Not very good
• Lin Ching - An illegal execution
• Moon Lan Ding - A great achievement of the American space program
• Ne Ahn - A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
• Shai Gai - A bashful person
• Tai Ne Bae Be - A premature infant
• Tai Ne Po Ne - A small horse
• Ten Ding Ba - Serving drinks to people
• Wan Bum Lung - A person with T.B.
• Yu Mai Te Tan - Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
• Wa Shing Kah - Cleaning an automobile
• Wai So Dim - Are you trying to save electricity?
• Wai U Shao Ting - There is no reason to raise your voice

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following: "Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Denna I come once-a more."

"You fowl-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

How many polish people does it take to milk a cow?
→ 9, four to hold the legs, four to hold the udders, and one to tell them when to move the cow up and down.

Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?
→ Cause all of their runners, swimmers, and jumpers are in the United States.

Did you know that the inventor of sprinklers was racist?

Yeah, listen to one next time you get a chance, It goes - spic....spic....spic....nigga...nigga...nigga...nigga.........chink!

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
14. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has!
15. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
16. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
17. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
18. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
19. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
20. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
22. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
23. You read rather than scanned this list.

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"

"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."

"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."

At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!" "What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"WHEW!" says the girl extremely relieved... "I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!"

What's the difference between Malaysia & the US?
→ US's got Bill Clinton, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder; Malaysia's got Mahathir, no cash, no hope and bloody wonder!

If you're an American when you're out of the bathroom, what are you when you're IN the bathroom?
→ European! (You're a Peein')

And if you really gotta go bad?
→ Russian!