Elderly Jokes — worst jokes

A couple of geezers were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home, having a little chat. "How are you, Tom?" asked Marvin.

"I'm not feeling well today - utterly exhausted," Tom replied. "I pulled a muscle and it's killing me."

"That pulled muscle shouldn't make you so tired, though."

"Well, it does if you pull it a couple of hundred times...."

A beautiful young woman marries this seventy year old bloke for his money. On their wedding night she joyfully jumps into bed and he holds up five fingers.

"Oh darling!" she squeals with delight, "Does that mean five times?"

"No", says the old fellow, "it means that you can pick one out."

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard. As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went right on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.

This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous, and decided to pay very close attention.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my goodness! Am I driving?"

Theres an old man laying on the beach naked and a little girl was pasing buy she stops and stairs at the man and asked mister what is that. the man says what the little girl says that between your legs the man says oh that well the thing that is standing is the bird the two things on the side are the eggs and the thing around it is the nest ok the old man asked her to leave so he can get some sun he falls asleep when he wakes up there are peramedics around him he asked what happen the peramedic said ask the little girl the old man calls her over what happen the little girl said when you went to sleep I tryed to make the bird fly I pulled and pulled but he got big and spit at me so I kicked the bird smashed the eggs and burnd the nest.

Yo moma is so old she knew the Great Wall of China when it was just ok

Yo mama is so old that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics!!

Yo Mama soooo old she was wearing a Jesus starter jacket!

Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.

Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.