Doctor Jokes — worst jokes

A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical during intermission. A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body.

She smiled and gushed, "Well, hello there Doc." and kept right on going.

After a moment's pause, the good doctor looked at his wife and said, "Don't worry dear, that's just a young lady I know professionally."

Without missing a beat, his wife asked, "Hers or Yours ?"

The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."

"Oh, no. Give me the good news, I guess," Dan replied.

"They're going to name a disease after you."

A well known, rich business man's wife broke her hip. The business man got the best orthopedic surgeon in town to do the operation, which consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it.

The operation went smoothly, and the doctor sent the business man a bill for $5,000 for his services. The business man, outraged at the high price, sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor responded to the letter with the following:

1 Screw: $1.00
Knowing how to put it in: $4,999
Total: $5,000

The business man never argued.

There are several different kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method:

General Practitioners know nothing and do little.

Surgeons know little and do everything.

Internists know everything and do nothing.

Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it's usually too late.

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

- Doctor Sawbones speaking.

- Oh, doctor, my girlfriend's just dislocated her jaw. Can you come over in, say, three or four weeks' time?

What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?
→ With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell.

- There's something wrong with my hot dogs.

- Sorry, I'm a waiter, not a veterinarian.

Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him, "Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock."
Steve says, "Will that keep me from getting sick?"
The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."

Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire?
→ It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, 'Who's a pretty boy then?'!