Random joke from this category
A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him.
He stops, bangs on the window and says, "So, what does this cost ??!!".
And the hooker replies, "25 dollars !!".
And the Pollock said, "Hmm, that's not a lot of money for insulated windows !!".
What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)?
→ A leisure centre.
There was a young Scotsman called Andy,
Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.
He lifted his kilt,
To wipe up what he spilt,
And the barmaid said, "Blimey! That's handy!"
From one of Tom Clancy's books:
- Commanding officer: "Alright! How about an attitude check???"
- Crew (In Unison): "I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!"
- CO: "Now, let's be more positive..."
- Crew: "I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!"
- CO: "OK, How about a negative attitde check..."
- Crew: "I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING PLACE!"
- CO: "OK, How about a short attitude check ..?"
- Crew: "FUCK THIS PLACE!"
A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine says to him:
- Hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss.
- Yeah well, in the navy they teach us to not piss on our hands.
This guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign that says "put your dick in here, we'll do what your wife does for you". So the guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it.
What would you call a virgin on a water bed?
→ A cherry float!
Jessica was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates... "I know you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so worried about it!"
A man walks in to a doctors office and says, "Doctor you must help me. I have AIDS." The doctor replies, "Are you gay?" The man answers "yes." The doctor says, "I think I can help. Go to the grocery store, buy a box of laxatives and a quart of prune juice.
Take ALL of the laxatives and drink ALL of the prune juice. Take a nap for a couple of hours. When you wake up your problem will be solved." The man answers, "Will that cure my AIDS?" The doctor replies, "No, but you will find out what your ass hole is really for!"
If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on, does a hard sleeper sleep harder with a hard on?
