Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

What do Germans use for birth control?

Their personalities!

What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl?
→ "Hey, little girl, you want to buy some candy?"

A Jewish guy in a London hotel calls the operator and asks, in broken English with a heavy Lithuanian-Yiddish accent, for number 266418. A short time later, someone knocks, and when he opens the door he sees 2 beautiful and sexy girls who asked him: Have you ordered 2 shikses for one night?

On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:

• 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
• 2 French men and 1 French woman
• 2 German men and 1 German woman
• 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
• 2 English men and 1 English woman
• 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
• 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
• 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
• 2 American men and 1 American woman
• 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred ...

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman endlessly complains about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfillment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her arse look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.
The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and setup a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry.

"I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest", said the eldest daughter. He then asked his second daughter whom she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest", said the second daughter. He finally asked his youngest daughter whom she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground", said the youngest daughter.

What's the Arkansas state motto?
→ If you can't keep it in your pants keep it in the family.

There is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.

Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and announces, "If the rabbi stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a minivan, to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs, and applauds.

Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor stands and says, "If the rabbi stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of his children!!"

More sighs and applause.

Old Mrs. Goldfarb, aged 96, stands and announces, "If the rabbi stays, I offer SEX!!"

There is a hush. The rabbi, blushing, asks, "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Mrs. Goldfarb answers, "I just asked Mr. Goldfarb what we could contribute to make the rabbi stay. Mr. Goldfarb said, 'Fuck the rabbi.'"

What do you call a villager with 500 girlfriends?
→ A shepherd.

How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear?
→ There's dandruff on his/her shoes.

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
→ He breaks his nose.