Random joke from this category
A girl goes on a blind date.
The blind date hadn't been all that great, and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, her date suddenly said:
- Hey! You wanna see my underwear?
Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear.
She glanced down and said:
- Nice design - does it also come in men's sizes?
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it.
They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter:
- Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter.
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded:
- Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.
The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter:
- Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced:
- Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.
A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.
- I want to get screwed - said the man.
- OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot - answered the voice.
The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed.
Minutes passed and nothing happened.
He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again.
- Hey - exclaimed the sport:
- I want to get screwed!
- What? - said the voice:
- Again?
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
- Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes! - she exclaimed.
No - said the genie:
- You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish.
- Lets see - says Monica:
- I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage.
- And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want.
- I would like to get rid of these love handles, though.
- Yeah, that's it,for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed.
Poof!, and just like that, her ears were gone!
John receives a phone call.
- Hello - he answers.
The voice on the other end says:
- This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.
- hmmm... Susan? You say we met 3 months ago? - John
- Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party gave me a ride home. On the way home, we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport. - Susan
- Oh, yeah! Susan! How are have you been? - John
- Well, I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself. - Susan
- Say, you really ARE a good sport! - John
There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture.
He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.
- Yeah daddy, yeah daddy - said the little boy. After a while the boy came into the living where his father was talking with some friends.
- Say, Pop - said the boy.
- Yes - replied his father.
- The bull just screwed the brown cow!
There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said "Excuse me" and took his son outside.
- Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You should say 'The bull "surprised" the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull "surprises" the white cow.
The father went back inside the house.
After a while the boy came in and said:
- Hey, Daddy!
- Yes, son. Did the bull "surprise" the white cow?
- He sure did, Pop! He screwed the brown cow again!
When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said:
- I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?
The blonde said:
- I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath to make me more attractive.
The milkman replied:
- Oh, OK. Pasteurized?
The blonde looked at the milkman with a confused look on her face and said...
- No. Just up to my boobs.
How do you define confusion??
→ A blind lesbian in a fish market!
Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks:
- If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?
The first lady thinks for a minute and says:
- Moutain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime.
The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says:
- 7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up.
The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says:
- Jack Daniels.
The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say:
- Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor.
The third lady says:
- Yep, thats my Larry!
THOR, the God of Love wakes up the morning after the orgy.
As he sits up, stretches and looks around, he sees a beautiful, shapely, young blonde standing in the doorway.
He walks over and says:
- Good morning, I'm THOR!
She looks back at him with blue eyes and a comely smiles and says:
- YOUR THOR...
I'M SO THOR I CAN'T PITH!
