Christmas Jokes — worst jokes

Santa's Reindeer are girls and here's the proof:

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer, each year male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen . . . had to be a girl!

We should've known. Only women would be able to drag a fatman in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and not get lost!

- Knock, knock?

- Whos there?

- Megan and chicken

- Megan and chicken who?

- He's megan a list and chicken it twice, he's gonna find out whos naughty and nice...

What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time?
→ Cross mouse cards!

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman

• A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
• A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
• When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
• A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
• A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
• A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

The Net is Slow

Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it's so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

It doesn't show signs of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

When we finally connect to a site,
It's time to go back to the dorm;
But if I could stay here all night,
I could submit their Web form.

The network is slowly dying,
And, I fear, we're still denying,
But as long as Sprint is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.

For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the third bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the fourth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the fifth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the sixth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the seventh bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the eighth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the ninth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the tenth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the eleventh bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Say it's not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

For the twelfth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Tell them it's a feature
Say it's not supported
Change the documentation
Blame it on the hardware
Find a way around it
Say they need an upgrade
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.

They would immediately change the name to WatMas.

The staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything about them or what they were for. Or you could buy parts to build your own tree.

The holiday would be cheap, small, quartz-crystal driven, and would let you take a licking and keep on shopping.

You would be able to hang over 64,000 ornaments on your tree (all identical) at the same time.