Celebrities — worst jokes

Heard about Salman Rushdie's sequels to "Satanic Verses"?

1. Buddha, you Fat Fucking Bastard,
2. Jesus was a Lousy Carpenter.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new car?
→ Neither has he.

What can Calista Flockhart do with dental floss?
→ Hang herself.

Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
→ He thought it was a delivery service.

What's the first problem the MJ's child will have in life?
→ Figuring out which parent is his mother.

What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today?
→ Scratching like hell to get out of that box.

What's the new documentary about Madonna going to be called?
→ Missionary Position Impossible.

What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common?
→ They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

What did Marv Albert do after NBC gave him the pink slip?
→ He put it on.

What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?
→ Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch...