Bar Jokes — worst jokes

A guy walks into a bar holding three ducks. He sets them on the bar and orders a drink. After talking with the bartender for a while, the man excuses himself to use the restroom. The bartender feel a tad awkward with just himself and three ducks at the bar, so he decides to make small talk with them. He asks the first duck, "What's your name?"

"Huey," replies the duck. "So, how's your day been?"

"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Huey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day." The bartender asks the second duck, "What's your name?"

"Duey," replies the duck.

"So, how's your day been?"

"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Duey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day." The witty bartender says to the third duck, "So I guess your name is Louie?" The duck replies, "No, I'm Puddles."

A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. in front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. COST $5 So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves. The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says: You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. COST $10 So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had. So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?" The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"

Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows when to stop."

One evening, Frank was drinking at a bar when the bartender came over to tell Frank that he had a telephone call.

Frank had just bought another beer and he didn't want anyone else to drink it. So, Fred wrote a little sign and left it by his beer that read: "I spit in my beer."

When Fred returned to his bar stool, there was another note beside his beer: "I spit in your beer, too!"

There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went.

- Guy 1: Yah.. I'm originally from Dublin, Ireland

- Guy 2: REally?! Me too!

- Guy 1: I went to O'Malley Highschool.

- Guy 2: I did too! What year did you graduate?

- Guy 1: 1988!

- Guy 2: Same here!

A guy sitting next to them was amazed how they grew up together and didnt know it. He asked the bar tender, who was friends with both of them if the two irish guys knew eachother.

The bar tender replied, "Yeah. It looks like the Donohue Twins are drunk again."