Animal Jokes — worst jokes

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
→ Jungle Bells, Jungle bells..

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.

- Davy, what noise does a cow make?

- It goes moo.

- Alice, what noise does a cat make?

- It goes meow.

- Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?

- It goes baaa.

- Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?

- Errr.., it goes.. click!

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.

- Mother: What does the cow say?

- Child: Moo!

- Mother: Great! What does the cat say?

- Child: Meow.

- Mother: Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?

And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied:

- Bud.

Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
→ To a mewseum.

When is a bad time to cross a black cat?
→ When you are a mouse!

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked:

- Whatcha doing, Tim?

- My goldfish died - replied the boy tearfully, without looking up.

- And I've just buried him.

The neighbor was concerned:

- That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied:

- That's because he's inside your cat.

A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man:

- I can't believe what I'm seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!

The man replied:

- Nah lady this cats not clever at all I'm beating it 6 games to 1

Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
→ He was an aunteater.

Why did the bat miss the bus?
→ Because he hung around for too long.

What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
→ Hop on.